"This parenting style is called attachment parenting in recognition of both the beauty and the critical importance of a secure attachment between parent and young child." So say Granju and Kennedy early in this manual for new parents who want to try a new style of child-rearing. Rather than prescribe hard and fast rules (as older parenting books did for the age of first solid food or walking), they encourage parents to trust their instinct and their love for their newborns and bring the child up in an environment close to the parents. The book is about a constellation of practices (not all of which are practiced by all parents who are interested in attachment parenting):
It all makes sense to us in our particular circumstance; we're fortunate in that our child will have two stay-at-home parents. Perhaps the most frequent criticism of attachment parenting is that you'll "spoil the child", or that the child will "be in control" of the parents. The authors argue, though, that children raised in this manner do not have the triggers that cause behavior problems that would be a problem; the most likely children to attempt to control the parents through tantrums or excessive demands are those raised in a hands-off fashion who are starved for affection. They back this up with both anthropological evidence and stories from real-life parents.
It does seem necessary to recognize, though, that there might be more going on here than meets the eye. Attachment parenting is both a theory in its own right and a reaction to previous theories of child-rearing, notably the 1940's ideas of Dr. Spock with his emphasis on the necessity of being strict, and Richard Ferber's 1980s work, which has resulted in the word "Ferberization" entering the language. Ferber advocates letting a child cry themself to sleep in some circumstances without adult comfort -- the antithesis of attachment parenting, and it's notable that his name is used almost as a curse by hardcore attachment parents.
It's interesting to speculate about the social patterns that might be involved with parenting styles. Did a generation of young men return from World War II with a determination not to mollycoddle their children? Does the rise of the engineer in cold-war America correlate with a hands-off, "scientific" method of child-rearing? Did the rise of feminist thinking serve to endorse a style of parenting that required less time from the working mother? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I suspect that our parenting practices are reflective of our culture.
As we enter the new millenium, it seems that there are many new parents (including myself and my wife) looking for an alternative to the sort of child-raising that resulted in many of their own classmates being poor excuses for human beings. Attachment parenting is one theory that holds out hope in this direction. Speaking strictly for myself, I think it's worth a try -- with the caveat that we're smart enough to re-evaluate our options if it doesn't work for us. I have been both surprised and encouraged by discovering that quite a few of my own friends have chosen all or part of these methods with their own children, without making any big political deal about it. Of course there are others who say it's impossible or too much of a sacrifice, but then, nothing is certain when dealing with the human animal.
It's also interesting to note the emphasis on anthropological and biological evidence in the book. There's an underlying assumption (never expressly articulated) that parenting practices of primitive societies must be good. I doubt the authors would apply that same unexpressed normative yardstick to the eating or hygiene habits of those same societies, though. Some of the book also reminds me just a tiny bit of sociobiology, which is troubling, considering the excesses the sociobiology has been used to excuse. I suppose that's just another reminder that there is politics here as well as science -- if, indeed, the two are ever separate.
But getting back to the book itself -- it's well-written and easy to read. The authors are to be congratulated for including many Internet resources, both web sites and mailing lists, as well as more traditional paper references, in their extensive sections of other material. Oddly enough, they do not seem to be maintaining their own web site, which seems like it would be the natural way to keep such lists up to date. Though it contains some advice on particular situations (what to say to people who are aghast at some of your choices, how to get dads involved, how to be a working but attached mom, and so on), this book is more of an encourgement to follow your own instincts than it is a problem-solving manual. Given that most of these practices are still not common in American society, I think that's a worthwhile thing to have. Support systems are important.